Trump’s Live Beheading of Mark Zuckerberg Doesn’t Violate Facebook Terms, Says Zuckerberg

SILICON VALLEY, CA – Facebook will allow a live feed of President Donald Trump beheading Mark Zuckerberg because it does not appear to violate the platform’s terms and conditions, according to Mark Zuckerberg.

“Obviously, I do not enjoy the President of the United States threatening to brutally murder me,” said Zuckerberg. “However, the answer to violent, threatening speech is to defeat it in the marketplace of ideas. And if the market wants me to die, who am I to impose regulations against it?”

Earlier this week, Zuckerberg moved the goal posts yet again on how vile content must be before Facebook will risk upsetting the president by removing it. After declining to take action against dishonest political ads or overt racism, sexism and homophobia, Zuckerberg failed to meet even the lowest of standards by allowing Trump to encourage police and military forces to use violence against protestors. Unfortunately for Zuckerberg, his continued lenience for Trump has now led to the inability to oppose his own extrajudicial beheading.

“I know many people are upset that we’re letting the President get away with murder,” stated Zuckerberg. “But my position has been consistent in that we should enable as much expression as possible unless it will cause imminent risk of specific harms or dangers to the value of Facebook stock or make prominent Republicans mad at me.”

Upon hearing Zuckerberg’s position defending the President’s plans to capitate the billionaire tech mogul, Trump rejoiced with a new Facebook post: “When the excuses start, the execution starts!”

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