After nearly two decades of almost never thinking about Afghanistan, Americans were recently forced to finally start worrying about the war-torn country.
“My heart really aches right now,” said Sarah Graham, wearing a 9/11: Never Forget shirt. “I vaguely recall the whole capturing of Osama bin Laden thing – whenever that was – but now I’m torn over how to craft the perfect Facebook post that expresses both anger and empathy over a topic I know absolutely nothing about, you know?”
Many Americans, annoyed that Afghanistan occupies their thoughts again, blame the media for reminding them about the harsh realities of war, such as twenty years of spending $275 million per day, a figure that sounds outrageous because it is.
“I just get so angry having to now learn what I neglected to pay attention to all this time,” said Lee Jackson, struggling to find Afghanistan on his dusty miniature desk globe. “All I really want to know is who to blame for this mess so that I can do that and then just move on to the next hot topic in the 24 hour news cycle.”
The need for accountability was a common theme among Americans just waking up to Afghanistan’s challenges, but clear answers were difficult to come by. “I’ve done a lot of reading in the last hour,” said Jackson. “And it might be Biden’s fault except that Trump and Obama screwed it up, too, and Bush 2 made everything worse and Clinton didn’t fix the problems that Bush 1 and Reagan created. I don’t know how to process all of that, so I’m just going to blame it on my default scapegoat for everything: communism.”
With Labor Day approaching fast, Americans are hoping to once again free their minds of worries before heading out for vacation. “I, for one, am going to commit to the wisdom of my bumper sticker – ‘Live, Love, Laugh’ – and just focus on the positive,” said Maggie Fuller, while filling up her Ford Excursion SUV. “Good God! Did you see how how high gas prices are lately?!”