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Category: Lifestyle

Zombies Rise in Takoma Park, Complain About City Becoming Too Alive
Lifestyle Local News

Zombies Rise in Takoma Park, Complain About City Becoming Too Alive

The Takoma TorchOctober 29, 2020October 29, 2020
Photo Credit: S. Pakhrin - Silver Spring Zombie Walk TAKOMA PARK, MD - As Halloween approaches, hundreds of deceased Takoma Park residents have risen from their graves as zombies to...
‘Conservative Feminism’ Movement Launched With Permission From Mitch McConnell
Lifestyle National Politics

‘Conservative Feminism’ Movement Launched With Permission From Mitch McConnell

The Takoma TorchOctober 1, 2020
Republican women’s groups hoping to shore up the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court have launched a full scale effort to paint Barrett as a trailblazing “conservative...
Grandpa Upset To Realize ‘Uphill Both Ways’ Exaggeration No Longer Effective
Lifestyle

Grandpa Upset To Realize ‘Uphill Both Ways’ Exaggeration No Longer Effective

The Takoma TorchJuly 24, 2020July 24, 2020
Photo Credit: Denis Dervisevic After 50 years of bragging about how much harder it was to attend school when he was a kid, Arthur Stevenson became confused when his "uphill...
White Women Demand ‘Karen’ Be Labeled a Racial Slur
Lifestyle National Politics

White Women Demand ‘Karen’ Be Labeled a Racial Slur

The Takoma TorchJune 30, 2020September 3, 2020
As white women throwing public temper tantrums to leverage their privilege over others have come to be commonly known as “Karens," a group of middle aged white women is asking...
Mike Pence Kicked Out of ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ Orgy for Not Wearing Mask
Lifestyle National Politics

Mike Pence Kicked Out of ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ Orgy for Not Wearing Mask

The Takoma TorchMay 1, 2020May 1, 2020
POTOMAC, MD - Vice President Mike Pence angered hosts and upset guests by showing up at an elite, secret orgy without wearing a mask in a clear violation of the...
Parents Suddenly Realize the Teacher Isn’t The Problem
Lifestyle

Parents Suddenly Realize the Teacher Isn’t The Problem

The Takoma TorchApril 2, 2020April 2, 2020
TAKOMA PARK, MD - After repeated attempts to get their children to behave and pay attention to homeschool lessons, parents hung their heads in shame as they admitted they had...
Bluff Called on Americans Who Claimed They Wanted to Spend More Time With Family
Lifestyle Local News

Bluff Called on Americans Who Claimed They Wanted to Spend More Time With Family

The Takoma TorchMarch 16, 2020March 16, 2020
After years of complaining about being too overworked to have enough time to spend with family, Americans were gifted a golden opportunity with a national call to stay at home...
Americans Anxious for Coronavirus Cure So They Can Return to Having Poor Hygiene
Lifestyle Local News

Americans Anxious for Coronavirus Cure So They Can Return to Having Poor Hygiene

The Takoma TorchMarch 8, 2020March 8, 2020
Photo Credit - Burst/Pexels With stores nationwide sold out of soap, sanitizer, and toilet paper, Americans cannot wait until the coronavirus has been eliminated so they can return to the...
Local Residents Confused by Married Couple Sharing Same Last Name
Lifestyle Local News

Local Residents Confused by Married Couple Sharing Same Last Name

The Takoma TorchFebruary 24, 2020February 24, 2020
Annie and Josh Tulkin always have to explain their bizarre situation when attending parties and local events around Takoma Park. As a Silver Spring-based married couple sharing the same last...
10 Valentine’s Day Gifts for the Modern Woman
Lifestyle

10 Valentine’s Day Gifts for the Modern Woman

The Takoma TorchFebruary 14, 2020February 14, 2020
Photo Credit - Mira Bozhko/Unsplash Gentlemen, the year is 2020, not 1920. Join the 21st century and give your Valentine a gift they not only really want, but that is...
Local Millennial Comes Out as Joe Biden Supporter
Lifestyle National Politics

Local Millennial Comes Out as Joe Biden Supporter

The Takoma TorchJanuary 11, 2020January 16, 2020
Photo Credit: Evan Jenkins TAKOMA PARK, MD - Jack Feldman, 23, knew he could no longer hide his true identity. Standing in Mark's Kitchen (because he couldn't find seating anywhere),...
Couple Makes Resolution to Eat Remaining Holiday Desserts Before New Year’s Resolution
Lifestyle

Couple Makes Resolution to Eat Remaining Holiday Desserts Before New Year’s Resolution

The Takoma TorchDecember 30, 2019January 18, 2020
TAKOMA PARK, MD - Sitting on the couch watching episides of the Mandalorian on their friend's Disney Plus account, Pete and Gina Zaparti snack on a plate of cookies. With...

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