The Official Takoma Torch 2023 In/Out List

Let’s face it – it’s been a tough year. We’ve elevated petty grievances into wars, unfriended people at a record pace, and completed none of our 2022 resolutions. But that’s the whole point of the New Year: we get a fresh start to pretend like we’re going to do better this time. It’s tradition, and we all know we should never, ever mess with tradition because change is bad.

We understand that some folks need a little help in getting started, which is why we’ve provided the following list of things to get rid of on your local Buy Nothing group, and all the new things you’ll need to stay slightly ahead of the curve, but probably not. Happy New Year!

Working From HomeOnline Shopping at Work
Fighting InflationFighting Moderation
Not Being a KarenNot Even Caring
Washing HandsLaundering money
Elbow BumpsKnees to the Groin
Rigged ElectionsRigged Economies
Opposing Accessory ApartmentsOpposing Chicken Coops
Trolling Greta Thunberg Getting Arrested in Romania
Political Yard Signs Year Round Christmas Lights
Fighting Development in Takoma Park Fighting Development in Takoma, DC
Roe v Wade Vasectomies
Movember Puberuary
Pretending to Care About AfghanistanPretending to Care About Ukraine
Support for the FilibusterSupport for Unlimited Community Input
Gen X Listening to Kate BushGen Z Listening to Kate Bush
Takoma Junction DebatesMore Takoma Junction Debates
Missing RepublicMissing Mark’s Kitchen
Corn KidEdibles Dude
Protecting Historic DistrictsProtecting Endangered Parking Lots
Losing by 77 votesLosing by 32 votes
Takoma Park Library ExpansionElitist Book Clubs
SweatpantsMore Sweatpants
Happy Hours with Co-workersOffice Liquor Cabinets
White Lotus: SicilyWhite Lotus: Ocean City
Online ClassesShitting on Teachers
Refusing to Sell Sports TeamHaving a .500 Season
Trying Not to Get COVIDGetting COVID
QAnon ConspiraciesProgressives Against Progress
BanksyKindergarten Graffiti
Reducing Gas PricesEliminating Bike Lanes
Storming the CapitolFlipping the House
Crashing Self-driving TeslasCrashing Tesla Stock
Closing Streets to CarsClosing Streets to People
“Crypto Bros” “Developer Bros”
SoccerNot Soccer
Dancing On TikTok Videos Dancing Like Nobody’s Watching
Wearing Yoga Pants EverywhereActually Going to Yoga Classes
“There’s Only One Silver Spring”North, West, East and South Bethesda