People Believing They Can Sing Likely a Symptom of Coronavirus, CDC Warns

While scrolling through your Facebook feed, it’s likely you’ve seen videos of your friends shamelessly singing cover songs for all to hear. You’ve probably worried about these friends’ states of mind, but new research shows that you might need to also worry about their physical health.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), a newly discovered symptom of Coronavirus is people believing they can actually sing and that their Facebook friends will enjoy watching them.

“It’s a very interesting and unique discovery,” stated Dr. Theodore Barnes. “It appears that Covid-19 affects the brain in such a way that puts the infected person in a warped state of mind. Believing they just nailed the chorus of Adele’s ‘Hello’ means they probably need to get tested right away.”

Dr. Barnes points to the hugely popular Facebook group “Quarantine Karaoke”, a platform for anyone to belt out their favorite songs for all to see, as proof that the virus is spreading quicker than imagined. The group, formed by Joseph Meyers, has grown to over a half a million members in a little over a month and sees over 3,500 posts per day.

“It’s a truly disturbing sight to see,” stated Dr. Barnes. “These people are suffering from a profound lack of self awareness and an inability to discern the feelings and opinions of others. You’d be tempted to think they’re drunk, but, in reality, they’re just very ill. We need to get these people appropriate medical attention before they irreparably damage their social credibility.”

The CDC also warns about other signs of advanced stages of the disease, including, but not limited to: involving other family members to accompany you on musical instruments, holding a microphone to appear more professional, and rewriting original song lyrics into slightly humorous social-distancing puns. “It’s not a call for attention; it’s actually a cry for help. A vaccine can’t come soon enough,” Dr. Barnes stated.

It remains to be seen how long these symptoms will last, but at least for now, expect to see more unbearable remakes of your favorite songs that you’ll never be able to unhear.

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