WASHINGTON, DC – Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin has announced that paper stimulus checks being sent to millions of American workers impacted by Coronavirus will be delayed until President Donald Trump’s name can be printed as the recipient.
“According to the law, a President is not authorized to be a signer for legal disbursements from the U.S. Treasury,” stated Mnuchin. “However, according to Rudy Giuliani, there is no law saying the President can’t be listed as the recipient with the American Taxpayer as the signer.”
The move marks the first time a president’s name will appear on a disbursement from the IRS. The White House claims that the delay does not stem from Trump’s name being added, but instead, Democrats refusing to allow the estimated 70 million paper checks to be sent only to registered Republicans with an official mail-in ballot.
“We cannot let Crazy Nancy Pelosi continue to delay these important payments any longer,” stated Trump. “Americans are hurting, and every day they wait for this aid is another day they cannot make vital contributions to my re-election campaign, or much needed upgrades to Mar-A-Lago. Putting my name on the check simply eliminates the middle man.”
When questioned about the legality and ethics of such a move at his daily Coronavirus briefing, Trump remarked, “When somebody’s the President of the United States, the authority is total. As President, I call the shots in terms of how tax dollars are spent, and there’s no greater spender of tax dollars in history than me.”
The White House offered clarification that American taxpayers are not actually receiving nothing, but will receive a free 2020 Make America Great Again campaign cap and a complimentary 2-week supply of hydroxychloroquine rectal suppositories.