Teacher Shortage Leads MCPS to Replace All Substitute English Teachers With Wordle

ROCKVILLE, MD – In response to a growing teacher shortage caused by rising COVID cases, Montgomery County Public Schools (MCPS) announced today that all requests for substitute English teachers will be filled with the online vocabulary guessing game Wordle.

“These are difficult times, but we must adapt to the new world we are facing and find new ways of doing old things,” said MCPS Superintendent Dr. Monifa McKnight. “Who needs a teacher to explain the themes and structure of Jane Austen or Harper Lee when we can all use a website to guess a single 5-letter word each day instead?”

Wordle, the latest addictive online gaming trend, could save the county millions of dollars by replacing actual English substitute teachers. If successful, MCPS says they might integrate other popular online or mobile tools into the school experience, such as accepting 6-second TikTok dance videos for physical education credits, replacing guidance counselors with the Headspace app, and eliminating foreign language classes in favor of Google Translate.

“Parents might not like these changes, and we know that tensions are running high. But we all just need to calm down and not panic,” said McKnight. “Wait…PANIC! That’s it! That’s the answer to today’s Wordle!”

Today’s announcement of changes also noted that hard copy report cards will no longer be mailed to each student. Instead, student achievement will be tweeted at parents as a series of green, yellow, and black squares.