Protesters Fill Streets, Demand Takoma Park Reopen Issues to Debate

TAKOMA PARK, MD – Hundreds of angry residents on bicycles and electric scooters clogged Maple Avenue and gathered at the entrance of City Hall in a massive protest on Wednesday.

“We’ve never see anything like it,” said the Police Chief. “Our vehicles couldn’t even get through the massive amount of protestors to give out parking tickets, which is the city’s only source of revenue right now.”

The protest, called “Operation Patchouli,” was led by tie-dye clothed residents wearing organic, hand-sewn face masks. Their goal was the reopening of weekly council meetings so that people can get back to their normal lives of debating everything.

“We were tired of sending thousands of angry emails to city council members from the confines of our homes while our children drive us crazy,” said Constance Komplanor. “We decided it was time to have our actual whiny voices heard again!”

The event started out peacefully but escalated when organizers’ pleas for protesters to stay on their bikes and maintain separation of at least 6 feet from one another went unheeded. Many got off of their bikes and crashed the front lawn of City Hall, holding signs that read “Where’s our tax increase?” and “These budget numbers don’t add up exactly!” An unidentified person going by the Twitter handle of @JoeOrganic tweeted “LIBERATE DEBATE!”

The Mayor condemned the protesters’ behavior, noting that they were jeopardizing many lives and costing the city millions in parking ticket tax revenue.

“This kind of irresponsible action puts us in the situation where we might have to actually further extend stay-at-home orders, which is the exact opposite of their supposed goals,” said the Mayor. “You think I want to be sitting at home reading all of these annoying emails? Trust me, I’d rather have them yelling at me for a controlled four hours on Wednesday nights only. But we are all making sacrifices.”