TAKOMA PARK, MD – A group of local residents are planning to protest the Children’s Business Fair this Saturday, citing concerns that the kids will be exposed to capitalist propaganda.
“We have to shut this thing down because the last thing we want to do is teach our children to become soulless corporate scumbags,” said resident Jane Campbell. “Besides, did you see how much they’re charging for a misshapen basic cookie that I could have made myself for a fraction of the price?”
The Takoma Park Children’s Business Fair takes place adjacent to the farmer’s market, where vendors often operate at a loss due to residents’ flagrant and egregious abuse of the free sample rule. The children, however, are expected to sell their items for a profit while being judged by local business owners for their product quality, marketing, and creativity.
“I just don’t think it’s appropriate to teach children about making a profit,” said Constance Komplanor. “What we should be teaching is how to get perfect scores on standardized tests so they can get into the most prestigious universities and avoid becoming a total failure as a human being.”
Originally planned for last Saturday, the fair was postponed for one week due to inclement weather. While the children welcomed the extra week of prep time, protest organizers are convinced the date change was meant to thwart their efforts, as they’d already spent all their money on flyers with the old date on them. “Our protest will still happen because our anti-children’s small business cause is righteous,” said Campbell. “We will not be intimidated by the influence of Big Lemonade Stand.”