TAKOMA PARK, MD – After several unfortunate disasters on the same street in one week, including fallen trees, lost power, a broken water main, and a house fire, engineers at NASA have now discovered a large meteor headed straight toward Sherman Avenue.
“With all we’ve been through this week, an End of Days-like scenario was probably the next logical step,” said Jeffrey Trunzo, a 35-year resident on the street. “When a tornado launched my neighbor’s car into Sligo Creek and King Kong kidnapped a young woman three doors down, we were like, what’s next?”
Residents were given just 48 hours to safely vacate their homes before the meteor hits and obliterates the entire street, destroying everything in its path and leaving a massive crater. Luckily, in today’s market, that provides homeowners plenty of time to put their properties up for sale and hold open houses.
“Believe it or not, now is still a good time for these residents to sell their home in Takoma Park,” said local agent Liz Brent. “Even when factoring in the inevitable annihilation from a giant meteor, we still expect to get multiple offers that are well over asking price.”
News of the meteor has sparked many listserv posts, including complaints about the potential loud noise, a discussion over where people will be able to park, and a heated debate on whether firing a nuclear missile at the asteroid goes against the city’s long-standing Nuclear Free policy.