Fast Food Chains Upset That Vegans Never Protest Their Takoma Park Establishments

TAKOMA PARK, MD – After a group of vegans protested a local butchery this weekend, the owners of Popeye’s, Wendy’s and other fast food chains also located in Takoma Park, felt left out that nobody wanted to protest their role in the slaughter and consumption of animals.

“I don’t understand. We’ve killed and served up more chickens than any other restaurant in the whole city,” said Popeye’s franchise owner Louis Fisher. “What will it take to get noticed in this community? Maybe we need to educate these vegans that businesses on New Hampshire Avenue are also part of Takoma Park and worthy of their attention.”

The protest took place on Sunday with the goal of meat-shaming the newly opened Soko Butcher, which is located next door to a sandwich shop and the beloved co-op, both of which also sell meat but apparently do so in a way that vegans find totally acceptable and not worth remarking on.

Despite its goal, the butchery protest seems to have resulted in a version of the “Streisand Effect,” a phenomenon that occurs when an attempt to criticize and silence someone has the opposite effect by drawing attention and supporters to the criticized cause. Soko Butcher has seen a steady gain in customers since the protest.

“We saw all the new business Soko has received due to the protests, and we’d love to get it on some of that action, too,” said Wendy’s owner Mark Garrett. “We’ve tried everything to get some hate – establishing a corporate chain in Takoma Park, building a car-centric drive thru, and paying workers well below a living wage – but still nothing. Maybe we need to step up efforts to become a real threat by purchasing that auto clinic adjacent to the Takoma Junction parking lot.”