TAKOMA PARKish, MD – In a dazzling display of determination and delight, residents along New Hampshire Avenue shot off fireworks to celebrate the only day of the year when Takoma Park notices their existence.
The holiday party, aptly named “Takoma Park, Too: Pyrotechnic Boogaloo,” left both residents and the city’s notoriously distracted inhabitants questioning, “Wait, we have neighbors on New Hampshire Avenue?”
The festivities began with the crackle of sparklers and the faint smell of gas-powered lawn equipment. The organizers, armed with vegetarian items off the Taco Bell menu, aimed to entice residents of the Historic District to Ward 6, drawing attention to the fact that, for the remaining 364 days, New Hampshire Avenue is the Rodney Dangerfield of Takoma Park – it gets no respect.
As the first firework lit up the night sky, New Hampshire Avenue residents and business owners gathered in the middle of the street to remind everyone that they employ the most people, and bring in the majority of commercial revenue for the city. One resident, clad in ethically dyed tie-dye pajamas, exclaimed, “We just want to celebrate this one day a year when we get surprised with the gift of every listserv and social media post being all about us. It’s a Christmas miracle!”
Local authorities, caught off guard by the sudden burst of communal spirit, debated whether to issue a noise complaint or let the festivities continue. Councilmember Ivy Greenpeace, summoned from her nightly meditation session, commented, “Oh, is that New Hampshire Avenue? I thought that was just a highway from DC to the Beltway.”
As the last firework fizzled out around 3am, New Hampshire Avenue residents returned to their humble abodes, content in the knowledge that, for one glorious night, Takoma Park craned its neck slightly in their direction. Plans are already in motion for next year’s “Takoma Park, Too: Pyrotechnic Boogaloo,” with rumors circulating that they might even venture into the realm of synchronized recycling bin banging. Anything to be noticed, anything at all.
