SILVER SPRING, MD – Longtime resident Dorothy Gables could barely catch her breath after walking past what she thought was a frightening Halloween display: new townhouses in her single-family, suburban neighborhood.
“The image is still burned in my mind,” whispered the 68-year-old retired scrapbooker while rocking back and forth in a seated position. “They were stuck together…all in a row…like some kind of…perverse centipede.”
The “housing centipede” Gables described is actually a series of 11 new townhomes recently constructed at the end of her block. Gables had heard the new development would be terrifying, but she had no clue just how horrific connecting homes end-to-end would actually be.
“We heard a bloodcurdling scream and immediately rushed over to help,” said neighbor Glenn Williams. “When we got there, we found a woman who was visibly shaken by the disturbing lack of parking and side yard setbacks. That’s when we called 911.”
Other residents were also freaked out by the haunted townhouses. Carrie Malorey, a 36-year resident of the block, pointed out that young children walk down the street all the time and suggested that the townhomes be taken down to avoid giving them nightmares.
“This Halloween display is just way too scary for our neighborhood,” said Malorey. “These townhouses are traumatizing neighbors by threatening to kill our property values by scaring away potential buyers. I can still hear the screams.”
When asked for comment, a resident of one of the new townhouses said there’s nothing to fear. “We aren’t the neighbors people should be worried about,” said Michael English. “It’s those old people handing out Circus Peanuts and boxes of raisins that trick-or-treaters should fear.”