BREAKING NEWS: MUELLER COMPLETES REPORT OF TAKOMA JUNCTION DEVELOPMENT

It’s been nearly 2 years, but Robert Mueller finally submitted his long awaited report to the Takoma Park City Council today.

Asked how he felt after walking out of the Takoma Park City Hall building, he said, “It’s about (expletive) time! This review has gone on way too long. It’s time for this city to move on and start doing all the other things it’s suppose to do. Also, I’m heading to Cielo Rojo for Happy Hour – it’s Mueller Time.”

CVJT was quick to respond using random ALLCAPS words in their most recent tweet, “We are fully CONFIDENT that Mueller will find COLLUSION between the City and EVIL Developer!! Time for a RECALL of everyone who voted for this project!”

City officials are currently reviewing the findings and plan to send their statements to the media next week, but the Torch expects there will be several surprises – and indictments – in the report.

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