TAKOMA PARK, MD – In an effort to protect residents and their neighborhoods, the Takoma Park Historic District has established a height limit of only two stories for anyone wishing to participate in the latest “Milk Crate Challenge.”
“Think of the children!” shouted Janice Porter of Maple Avenue. “Everyone knows that building structures higher than two stories in our historic district is extremely dangerous, especially for our property values.”
The Milk Crate Challenge, a viral stunt where people film themselves attempting to maneuver over a dangerous pyramid-shaped stack of plastic crates, has taken the nation by storm. Because most participants fail spectacularly and crash to the ground amid a pile of scattered plastic, Historic Takoma decided to establish height limits to prevent injuries, and, more importantly, reduce the negative effect of ugly shadow lines.
“More generally, these crate challenges have been too big and too dangerous. The taller structure just doesn’t fit. It doesn’t fit logistically. It doesn’t fit culturally. It’s never fit, and it’s never going to fit. We need to take action now before it’s too late and the character of our city is threatened by these hideous plastic crates piled everywhere,” said Gilbert Taylor of Historic Takoma. “Why can’t they just build these taller structures over in Prince George’s County instead?”
Taylor warned that anyone who attempts a milk crate challenge higher than two stories could sustain major injuries, and, even worse, lose out on significant historic property tax credits. While noting that, with hospitals full, this is an inopportune time to incur an injury, he emphasized the even bigger risk the crates pose to neighborhood aesthetics.
“I realize the fun in doing something dangerous, but we don’t want our children to get sore arms, legs and backs,” he said. “But more than anything, we don’t want them looking at an eyesore.”