Permit Patty Saves Takoma Park!

Downtrodden after a failed attempt to derail the liquor license application of a local establishment, a group of Takoma Park residents were desperate to stop the newest small business villain plaguing the city.

It appeared there was no hope left for the tiny percentage of residents who couldn’t stand the fact that yet another restaurant was selling alcohol, something so rare, that only every other restaurant in the city was legally able to do it.

Left with no other options, the oppressed residents put all their hopes in a Hail Mary solution: a free ad in the “Help Wanted” section of Craigslist begging for someone to stop this powerful villain.

Their prayers were answered.

Acting swiftly, Permit Patty swooped into Takoma Park and slapped the owner with a stop work order to remove the existing pergola that apparently was never properly permitted many years ago, in front of her new restaurant on Carroll Avenue.

It was another close call for long-term residents who have lived here longer than everyone else, and therefore have the only say on how things should be done in the city.

“Thank goodness we were able to protect our town from this terrible shade structure that families have been enjoying for the past five years,” said Dawn Jenkins. “Now we are one step closer to ending gentrification, homelessness, and GMO’s.”

The strike was a fatal blow to the small business villain, causing her to spend a couple thousand dollars to take down the structure, and forcing her to replace it with a new seating area that actually expands the outdoor seating square footage, thus increasing her capacity and revenue.

It had been a few months since permit Patty came to rescue Takoma Park residents. The last time she made an appearance, she aided a homeowner from a neighbor’s shed being two feet too close to his property line. She single handedly moved the shed two feet, including cutting into the critical root zone of a nearby tree – a small price to pay for justice.

Residents can only hope that Permit Patty is watching in the shadows this coming weekend when Takoma Park hosts its annual Children’s Business Fair. It can be expected that plenty of non-permitted lemonade stands and baked goods sold without health department approval will fill the crime-ridden streets of the central business district.

If you would like to witness these future for-profit villains, and maybe catch a glimpse of Permit Patty in action, please attend the Takoma Park Children’s Business Fair this Sunday from 10am-2pm. For more info, go to www.childrensbusinessfair.org/takomapark.

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