Canceled Takoma Park Parade Actually Never Canceled, According to 9/11 Truthers

TAKOMA PARK, MD – The cancellation of the city’s annual Fourth of July Parade was really a cover up to hide the fact that the parade did, in fact, take place this morning, according to members of the 9/11 Truth movement.

“Just watch the YouTube videos for clear evidence proving Takoma Park held a parade this morning,” said Arlus McGinty, whose group is an unfortunate, but consistent, participant in the parade. “If you look closely, you can see people pushing reel mowers and even Hans Riemer walking down Maple Avenue in his American flag pants. And It all happened right under our noses!”

Supporters of the 9/11 Truth movement, who believe that individuals within the government were responsible for the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon in 2001, argue that city officials lied about the parade cancellation in order to exclude unpopular groups from participating. “They thought we’re just a bunch of sheeple who will believe whatever they tell us,” said McGinty. “But we’re not dumb. This parade took place. Look at this street—canceled parades don’t cause potholes!”

The Truthers occupy a strange place in the history of the parade. Despite the fact that many city residents enjoy shouting down views they disagree with on municipal Facebook pages and neighborhood email lists, they have also taken the position that a group of weirdos disrespecting one of the country’s largest tragedies must be afforded the right to roll down Maple Avenue in a flatbed truck while the whole city politely watches.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have indulged them for as long as we did,” said resident Patty Thompson as she tore down newly posted “7-4 Was An Inside Job” flyers. “It was only a matter of time before they turned their crazy sights on us.”