Bethesda Builds New Park For Residents to Bark, Growl at Each Other

BETHESDA, MD – Montgomery County has approved a new 18,000 square foot park meant for Bethesda residents to bark and snarl at each other over trivial issues such as building a dog park in Bethesda.

“Bethesda has so many persnickety people and we figured it was time to provide them a fenced-in area where they can just be themselves,” said Planning Board Member Natali Fani-González. “Their behavior at the most recent planning board meeting just proved that some folks need a safe space to run around off-leash and act like animals.”

The new park, located at the center of Norwood Local Park, will have separate areas for those who support and those who oppose the project. The section of the park for supporters will be about 8,100 square feet (45%), while the section for the opposition will be about 9,360 square feet (52%).  The remaining 540 square feet, or 3%, will be for people who don’t care either way, but just enjoy watching wealthy people fight with each other over their “first world” problems.

During the contentious planning board meeting on Thursday, many neighbors expressed concerns about the park, including the $500,000 price tag, the potential for excessive swearing within 50 feet of the toddler’s play area, and the well-being of bystander dogs who might tuck their tail between their legs after believing they are the ones being yelled at.

“This is ultimately about values,” said Dewey Reade, who lives near the park and is against the proposal. “And the real people of Bethesda value preserving open space for close-minded discussion only.”

Construction is expected to start on the park this summer. The entire park will be encircled by a roughly 6-foot-tall solid masonry wall to reduce noise. It will have seating, shade and a sparkling water source.