AUGUSTA NATIONAL GOLF CLUB, GA – After wasting several hours searching Hole 11, Trump called Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger demanding help finding his golf ball that he swears went directly into the hole, according to a leaked recording of their conversation.
“Everyone knows I hit a hole-in-one, just like I have done thousands of times before,” said Trump on the recording. “Now I’m supposed to believe that it not only missed the hole, but that it’s not even on the green? Something ugly is going on here, and I don’t just mean Ted Cruz’s wife.”
In the recorded call, Trump accused officials of running onto the course and taking his ball to make him lose. He then demanded Raffensberger put his ball back in the hole and declare him the overall winner (even though he was still losing by 42 strokes), or else he would send Congressman Jim Jordan to wrestle him into submission.
“Look, we have witnesses. They were hanging out at the beer cart only a few hundred yards away, but they still saw everything,” Trump says in the recording. “They told me that officials were stealing all my shots – perfect shots, I might add – and throwing them into the woods. I spent the whole day looking for my balls, so I knew this game was rigged because I’m the greatest golfer in history – even better than Tiger.”
At the end of the recording, the President added that if Raffensperger doesn’t comply with his demands, he’ll make sure the Cleveland Browns rough him up when they play the Pittsburgh Steelers in the first round of the playoffs this Sunday.