Trump: Pandemic Just the Nation Getting Sick of Winning

WASHINGTON, DC – Standing before a crowd of supporters, President Donald Trump reiterated his belief that Coronavirus pandemic was just a hoax created by Hillary Clinton in the basement of a DC pizza parlor, and that any symptoms of fever, chest pain, and exhaustion are just the reaction to being “so sick and tired of winning.”

“Just like I predicted many years ago, we’re going to win so much, you’re going to be so sick and tired of winning, you’re going to come to me and go ‘Please, please, we can’t win anymore’,” said Trump. “You’ll say ‘Please, Mr. President, we beg you sir, we don’t want to win anymore. It’s too much. It’s not fair to everybody else’.”

Trump then boasted about the newly released statistics showing the United States now leading the world in reported cases of Coronavirus, surpassing China and Spain for the top spot. “I told you I would be tough on China. We’re even beating China at their own virus!” Trump added.

When asked why the country needs a two trillion dollar economic rescue package if the threat of the virus is just a hoax, Trump responded that he didn’t want to be known as the president with a smaller package than Obama.