WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to prove he’s perfectly fine and definitely not affected at all by COVID-19, President Trump completed the Ironman Triathlon Sunday morning in front of a record crowd.
“In no way was this a publicity stunt. I just wanted to show my supporters that I thank them for their loyalty,” said Trump. “I’ve been following strict hospital protocol which means by noon tomorrow, I should be cleared for my upcoming boxing match with Mike Tyson later this week.”
The Ironman Triathlon consists of a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike, and a 26.2 mile run. It’s considered one of the most grueling feats for any athlete and not for the faint of heart. President Trump not only completed the event with ease, but took second place overall.
“I was planning to beat everybody like I’ve done many times before, but the doctors made me slow down,” said Trump. “I told them ‘no, no, no, I feel fine,’ but they insisted I take second place and not push myself too hard. I shouldn’t have listened to them. I know more than they do anyway.”
While his supporters were thrilled to see the president out and about, many people were concerned about a highly contagious person coming into contact with 2,000 other participants and volunteers. After crossing the finish line, Trump was seen hugging several other finishers, giving them high fives and coughing incessantly, though this was immediately downplayed by his administration.
“I know Democrats are all cheering for Trump to die, but he’s too focused on his fight with Mike Tyson tomorrow to be concerned,” said White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany without a mask on the same day she learned she contracted the virus. “And if he does happen to die tomorrow, he wants everyone to know that he died valiantly while destroying Tyson, and not because of this coronavirus hoax.”