PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – As news media around the world began asking questions about the suspicious disappearance of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, state media responded that he was just taking some much needed rest and relaxation at his beach home in what they described as a “Weekend at Jong-un’s”.
“Our fearless leader is in perfect health. As we all know, he works very hard and just wants to go to his beach house for a few days to relax,” read a statement by North Korean government officials. “Kim Jong-un is currently hanging out with his two best friends, Larry and Richard, who are making sure everyone knows he is doing okay and absolutely nothing is wrong.”
Despite these assurances, multiple international news outlets reported that Kim Jong-un was actually in critical condition after heart surgery and may have left the capital of Pyongyang. It’s likely he is sheltering in an undisclosed location on North Korea’s eastern coast.
“Fake News was wrong again. Clearly Kim Jong is still alive,” President Trump said during Thursday’s daily White House briefing. “I was invited to the party, and there he was, in a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses, having a tremendous time surrounded by beautiful women by the pool. The women were so beautiful. And they all loved him, like women love me. His hair looked amazing, too.”
Other reports speculate that the North Korean leader may have isolated himself as a precaution against Coronavirus. It is unknown how many cases of the disease exist in North Korea due to its lack of communication with the outside world.
Still, a spokesperson for the leader insisted that he’s alive and well. “Larry and Richard are giving us continuous updates about their fun and relaxing weekend together where they are getting into all kinds of shenanigans. They assure us he doesn’t have Coronavirus, and that he has been regularly taking his daily dose of bleach and hydroxychloroquine.”