Shoppers Camp Outside Stores in Anticipation of New Flavored Cleaning Products

FLORIDA, OF COURSE – Walmart parking lots are looking more like campgrounds as shoppers construct tents to prepare for a long wait to be the first to purchase new flavored cleaning products.

The major shopping event has been dubbed #BleachFriday and is trending on Twitter.

After President Trump announced to the nation yesterday that people should ingest disinfectants as a remedy for Coronavirus, companies such as Proctor and Gamble, Johnson and Johnson, and Clorox, announced new lines of cleaning products in cherry, lemon and grape flavors.

Among those waiting to purchase the new Cookies N’ Cream Scrubbing Bubbles was Karen McGill. “I don’t trust doctors because I read the internet. I tried the HydroxyChloroClean diet and I didn’t die,” said McGill, “I’m a bit skeptical of this new swallowing bleach idea, but he’s our President. If he says it, it must be true.”

While many people lined up to get their hands on the latest health remedy passed down from Trump, some expressed concern about the dangers of ingesting disinfectants.

“This behavior is totally irrational. There are labels right on the packages specifically warning not to ingest these products,” said Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope of the recently renamed band, Sane Painted Face Society. “We hope members of our society, the SayNoToDruggalos, will heed our dire warnings about listening to this insane clown of a President!”

It remains to be seen what side effects will result from ingesting bleach, other than the obvious one of extreme illness and certain death. Still, shoppers seem willing to take their chances with the experimental approach and also hope to be one of the first 5,000 customers, so they can receive the bonus gift of a rectal flashlight.

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