BREAKING: TAKOMA JUNCTION SURVIVES NEW BUSINESS

TAKOMA PARK, MD – In what could only be described as a modern day miracle, the opening of a new business at the Takoma Junction this week did not result in the complete destruction of Takoma Park as everyone expected.

Located just steps away from the city’s most beloved parking lot, the new business, Cielo Rojo (meaning “Red Sky”), has awakened the community’s taste buds for authentic Mexican cuisine, and, more crucially, for the potential to adapt successfully to change. Despite the lack of a city-wide disaster after Cielo Rojo’s soft opening, however, some residents remain skeptical.

“Everything may seem fine now, but we should remain worried that the addition of another popular restaurant will put too much stress on the Junction’s capacity,” said Daniel Myers, who has headed the opposition to every recent proposed development in Takoma Park, as well as several in neighboring communities that Myers believes cannot make good decisions on their own. “According to my online research, this historic intersection of the city can only handle exactly three successful restaurants before it immediately turns into downtown Bethesda.”

The anticipated success of the new restaurant also has some local residents worried about their ability to park at Takoma Junction, though the main lot is rarely more than half full.

“I heard they might get a Michelin star, which is a way that Big Auto sells tires and makes people drive more,” said Susan Rogerson, who lives within walking distance of the restaurant. “This can only mean we are going to need even more parking spaces!”

It remains to be seen if the Junction can survive one more new business, but for now, the city’s anti-change Henny Pennies seem to be prevented from running around claiming the Red Sky is falling.