WASHINGTON, DC – In a surprise move, the White House took a knife to the recently enacted $2.3 trillion dollar government funding package, which includes a second round of pandemic relief, and revealed that the 5,600 page bill is actually just a cake.
“I can’t believe people actually fell for it,” said President Trump. “We totally pranked Americans into thinking we were preparing to rescue them, when, in fact, we were just celebrating my stolen election victory with a delicious cake. Hilarious!”
Like the actual stimulus bill, Trump denied having any hand in the cake’s creation despite the fact that members of his own administration were deeply (and publicly) involved in making the cake batter, baking it, and icing it to give it the appearance of something everyone would support.
“Even though this cake tastes perfectly fine to me, the American people deserve better than this,” said Trump while swiping his finger along the edge to steal a bite of frosting. “Why add 2.3 trillion dollars to the national debt on the backs of future generations when we can let them eat cake!”