CHEVY CHASE, MD – In an effort to fight off any form of new housing in their wealthy enclave, Section 3 of the Village of Chevy Chase adopted new supplemental regulations this week on the construction of gingerbread houses.
“We have to protect against this assault on our single-family neighborhood by all means necessary,” said Section 3 Village Manager Andy Leon Harney. “If we don’t create additional regulations on these gingerbread houses, the character of our neighborhood will be destroyed by tacky gumball trim that doesn’t match the candy cane columns.”
Last year, Montgomery County approved a zoning amendment allowing accessory dwelling units (ADUs), such as tiny houses or in-law suites, on single family lots. As expected, the amendment opened the floodgates for all types of inferior houses built in wealthy neighborhoods, including ones made out of food.
“It all sounds very well-intentioned – making Christmas more affordable, giving people more choices in how to celebrate – but all of that gingerbread is sure to attract children,” said Haney. “Our schools are already overcrowded. The Planning Department’s own staff admits that neighborhoods with gingerbread houses average at least three times as many school-age children as neighborhoods where all houses are made out of wood.”
The new gingerbread construction restrictions include required approval by the Section 3 historic committee, a storm water management system, additional off-street parking spaces, and registration in the Gingerbread House Database. Homeowners must also provide a comprehensive insect abatement plan to deal with any ants or other bugs attracted to gingerbread’s sugary building materials. Anyone who builds a gingerbread house without proper licensing will face a fine of 500 dollars and be forced to golf only at Montgomery County public courses for the next five years.