Trump Announces He Will Throw First Pitch Instead of Fauci

WASHINGTON, DC – In yet another attempt to block Dr. Anthony Fauci from public appearances, President Trump announced that he will take Fauci’s place and throw out the ceremonial first pitch on Opening Day at Nationals Stadium this Thursday.

“I don’t care if everyone wants to see Fauci throw the first pitch. Everyone needs to know that my pitch will be better,” a defiant Trump said to the press. “I guarantee I’ll throw a perfect, 120 mph strike right down the middle. It’s easy, I’ve done it a thousand times before. I already rejected a multi-billion dollar contract to pitch for the Nationals because I’d strike everyone out, and, let’s face it, that’s no fun for the rest of the league.”

Trump has repeatedly blocked Fauci from media events, especially ones focused on the dissemination of important information about Coronavirus protections. Trump has also called Fauci an “alarmist” and said it was the doctor’s fault that the MLB season didn’t start on time in April, when Trump claimed he had everything under control.

“I don’t know why everyone wants to hear from this guy. I mean he has been wrong about everything, whereas I have been 100% correct from day one. What about me?” asked Trump. “But don’t worry. It’s hot outside and he will go away. He’s going to disappear. One day – it’s like a miracle – he will disappear.”

The White House did say that Dr. Fauci would throw out a first pitch, but it would be on opening day for a local Little League in a non-televised event. Trump has already begun criticizing the event for having terribly low ratings.

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