WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump proudly displayed several Goya brand products on his Oval Office desk in an effort to prove to the nation that his promise of getting Mexico to pay for his proposed border wall was being kept.
“Nobody believed me when I said that Mexico will pay for my big, beautiful wall,” said Trump while holding up a can of Goya beans that are not actually from Mexico. “In today’s pandemic, which is clearly created from the liberal fake news media, cans of beans are worth way more in value, so technically we received a much bigger return on our investment than originally predicted.”
The border wall, which still has not been built, remains a top issue for Trump, especially as he trails Democratic nominee Joe Biden by double digits with just months to go until the election. Along with his daughter, Ivanka, who just learned that food can actually come in a can, Trump has spent the past few days touting the fulfillment of his promise to his faithful base in an effort to boost his poll numbers.
“This ingenious can of frijoles negros proves that we are making America great again,” said Ivanka, completely mispronouncing the word “negros” written on the can. “If it Goya’s against government ethics, it’s got to be good. Get it? Did you see what I did there?”
Trump, who is reported to have been eating nothing but Goya beans for the past few days to support the company’s loyalty, is now redirecting his focus on delivering another promise: loosening EPA regulations to reduce the number of flushes needed after he uses the toilet.