Maryland Highways to Add More Left Lanes for Slow Drivers

ANNAPOLIS, MD – The Maryland General Assembly announced plans this week to add more left lanes to several major state highways in order to allow more space for slow drivers.

“Since most Maryland drivers will never understand the concept of ‘Slower Traffic Keep Right,’ we thought just giving them more left lanes would ease traffic for the rest of us,” stated delegate David Moon. “The result should be less middle fingers, horn-honking, and angry Facebook posts.”

There will now be three additional left lanes on most highways, including the Maryland portion of 495 (the Beltway), 270, and 295. The lanes will be separated by barriers ensuring that nobody can escape being trapped behind “some super slow (expletive)” talking on their cell phone while driving well under the speed limit.

The HOV, or carpool lane, will now be placed all the way to right, in what is actually the fastest driving lane on Maryland highways. This could cause some confusion for out-of-state drivers visiting or simply passing through, as the right lane is the slow lane in literally every other state in the country.

Still, it remains to be seen if the new slow lanes will help ease traffic in the area. “At least this should reduce accidents caused by faster drivers having to bob and weave through other lanes to pass slow drivers,” stated Moon. “Especially since it is a fact that Maryland cars are not equipped with turn signals.”