10 Valentine’s Day Gifts for the Modern Woman

Gentlemen, the year is 2020, not 1920. Join the 21st century and give your Valentine a gift they not only really want, but that is thoughtful and appropriate for today’s modern, sophisticated woman. Here are 10 gift ideas for that special someone to show you really want to care.

1. Give your loved one the day off from housework and help smash the patriarchy with a house cleaning. Be sure to provide a few hours notice so she has time to pre-clean the whole house right before the housekeeper comes over. ($$)

2. Instead of chocolate, buy her some healthy Valentine’s Day treats. Be sure to emphasize that they are low calorie, sugar-free, keto diet-friendly snacks to show her you really care about her health and figure. Beef jerky is a solid choice. ($)

3. Show that you are equal in parenting duties by offering to babysit your own kids. She’ll appreciate you for going way above and beyond your normal responsibilities. (Free)

4. Surprise your wife with that kitchen renovation she’s been dreaming about. Don’t worry – if you start demolition when she leaves for work, you should have plenty of time to finish the entire project by the time she comes home at the end of the day. ($$$$)

5. Offer the gift of handling all of the laundry duties this week. Never done laundry before? It’s super easy. Today’s machines are designed to do all of thinking for you. No need to separate whites from colors, and just simply dump in any kind of cleaning product you find nearby. You’ll be so good at it, she’ll feel self-conscious and never ask you to do it again. (Free)

6. Spread out books from famous female authors on your coffee table such as Roxanne Gay, Margaret Atwood, Gloria Steinem and bell hooks. Show that you’ve spent the day educating yourself on intersectional feminism even if you still personally believe female politicians don’t have it that bad. She’ll appreciate the effort. ($)

7. Peloton Bike ($$$$)

8. Spending more quality time together with a pair of season tickets to the R*dskins. If she hates football, don’t worry, you’ll be able to leave around halftime anyway. ($)

9. Don’t make the woman you love go to the  grocery store to make dinner on this special evening. Be a man. Purchase dinner for two at Blue Apron so she can cook you dinner without the wasted trip. ($$)

10. Help her relax with a gift card for a massage with your mother-in-law, where she’ll melt away her stress while getting a lecture on how your failure to give her grandchildren is slowly killing her. ($$$)