TAKOMA PARK, MD – After months of searching for the most challenging course for its professional athletes, the X-Games committee has announced the new venue for its 2020 summer event: the stretch of Flower Avenue between Carroll and Piney Branch.
Minneapolis had been the leading contender to land the competition until the Takoma Park city council just gave up on its decades-long Flower Avenue public works project and instead offered the street for free on Craigslist to anyone who would assume responsibility for it. That’s when the X-Games committee offered to take it over.
“With unpredictable bumps and potholes the size of half-pipes, Flower Avenue is the ideal course to see some high-flying triple flips,” stated X-Games Committee Member Rob LeFleur. “It may be a terrible road for drivers, but it’s paradise for an extreme skateboarder looking for danger and thrills.”
City officials seemed pleased with the plan. “We’ve been in a never-ending cycle of tearing up and then repaving Flower Avenue for as long as I’ve worked here,” said Benny Johnson, a 30-year employee of the Public Works Department. “Watching people’s frustration as we started digging a new underground project literally days after completing a total resurfacing was fun for the first 20 years, but now it’s time for us to leave Flower Avenue behind and focus on other things, like seeing how many more speed bumps we can fit onto Maple Avenue before it becomes all bump and no street.”
It remains to be seen how spectators will be able to watch the upcoming X-Game events, as the east side of Flower Avenue has only 16 inches of “sidewalk” space. Still, X-Games organizers promise fans that this will be another unforgettable display of athleticism and fearlessness.
“Our participants are super stoked about this challenging course,” stated legendary skateboarder Tony Hawk. “Many of them have even moved to the city to learn how locals manage to pull off tricks on this street daily without seriously injuring themselves. I consider myself to be one of the best skaters in the world, but even I’m too afraid to ride on this course.”