NASHUA, NH – The Democratic National Committee is in shock after national polling has spotlighted a new clear favorite to win the 2020 Democratic Primary: Republican Senator Mitt Romney.
“We are in total disbelief, but if you think about it, Romney actually doesn’t make a bad Democratic presidential candidate,” stated DNC delegate Dawn Riggins. “He’s white, rich, and Republicans really hate him.”
Romney, on the verge of being expelled from the Republican Party for his “courageous” vote to impeach President Donald Trump, is now seriously exploring a run for President as a Democrat after seeing the polls. He has already formed an exploratory committee and is now backed by the new “Cojones PAC.”
“I’m done with being ‘Milquetoast Mitt’. I’m going to tell people the things they don’t want to hear,” Romney said. “I’m so fired up – this must be what drinking coffee feels like!”
Romney plans to throw away his old GOP campaign platform and shift the focus to attracting more liberal voters by touting his tenure as governor of Massachusetts and reminding everyone that he was the one who invented ObamaCare.
The hashtags #sMITTen and #RomNomNom were trending on Twitter all week as Romney supporters went wild on social media. “Not only would Mitt Romney be a great president, but he’s just so cool and good looking, too,” tweeted user @PierreDelecto.
For many liberal voters, likability appeared to be a much bigger factor when selecting a candidate. “Mitt Romney is just so much more relatable than the current field of Democrats,” stated Andy Jefferson, 38, of Pennsylvania. “I bet Elizabeth Warren’s dog sits inside the car when they go for a drive. That’s so elitist.”
It remains to be seen if Romney can catch up to the other candidates this late in the game. To attract voters who might have already made up their minds, he’ll need to pull out all of the best tricks from his political playbook, or as he calls it, his “binder full of delegates”.