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Tag: political satire

QAnon Claims Trump Presidency a Deep State Conspiracy to Get Democrats Elected
National Politics

QAnon Claims Trump Presidency a Deep State Conspiracy to Get Democrats Elected

The Takoma TorchJanuary 19, 2021
Looking to pass blame for Donald Trump’s presidency resulting in Republicans losing control of both elected branches of the federal government, supporters of the right-wing QAnon conspiracy now claim that...
Mike Pence Asks Trump For One Final Atomic Wedgie Before Leaving Office
National Politics

Mike Pence Asks Trump For One Final Atomic Wedgie Before Leaving Office

The Takoma TorchJanuary 17, 2021January 17, 2021
WASHINGTON -Vice President Mike Pence formally requested that President Donald Trump give him one final atomic wedgie to help the departing president cope with the pain of leaving office. “I...
Maryland General Assembly Apologizes For Not Making Any National Headlines
Local News

Maryland General Assembly Apologizes For Not Making Any National Headlines

The Takoma TorchJanuary 14, 2021January 14, 2021
ANNAPOLIS, MD - After the insurrection at the US Capitol last week, high expectations for a wild first day of the 442nd session of the Maryland General Assembly were unmet,...
New Vegan Doughnut Shop Helps White People of Takoma Park Find Courage to Cross Into DC Side
Business & Economy Local News

New Vegan Doughnut Shop Helps White People of Takoma Park Find Courage to Cross Into DC Side

The Takoma TorchJanuary 12, 2021January 13, 2021
After the grand opening of Donut Run on the Takoma DC side, white people of Takoma Park, Maryland, decided to courageously venture across the metro tracks into unfamiliar territory -...
Dr. Fauci Advises Tricking Conspiracy Theorists Into Taking COVID-19 Vaccine By Wrapping It in Cheese
National Politics Science and Tech

Dr. Fauci Advises Tricking Conspiracy Theorists Into Taking COVID-19 Vaccine By Wrapping It in Cheese

The Takoma TorchDecember 31, 2020December 31, 2020
WASHINGTON, DC - In his plan to get all Americans vaccinated and thereby end the COVID-19 pandemic, Dr. Anthony Fauci advises wrapping the vaccine inside a slice of cheese to...
Second Stimulus Bill Actually Just Cake
National Politics

Second Stimulus Bill Actually Just Cake

The Takoma TorchDecember 28, 2020
WASHINGTON, DC - In a surprise move, the White House took a knife to the recently enacted $2.3 trillion dollar government funding package, which includes a second round of pandemic...
Chevy Chase Neighborhood Adds New Restrictions on Gingerbread Houses
Local News

Chevy Chase Neighborhood Adds New Restrictions on Gingerbread Houses

The Takoma TorchDecember 24, 2020
CHEVY CHASE, MD - In an effort to fight off any form of new housing in their wealthy enclave, Section 3 of the Village of Chevy Chase adopted new supplemental...
Montgomery County Says Milk and Cookies For Santa Must Follow Outdoor Dining Rules
Business & Economy Local News

Montgomery County Says Milk and Cookies For Santa Must Follow Outdoor Dining Rules

The Takoma TorchDecember 21, 2020
Photo Credit - Suzy Hazelwood ROCKVILLE, MD - Beginning at 5 p.m. on Thursday, December 24th, all households setting out milk and cookies for Santa Claus must do so on...
7-11 at Takoma Metro To Be Demolished, Replaced With Mural of 7-11
Business & Economy Local News

7-11 at Takoma Metro To Be Demolished, Replaced With Mural of 7-11

The Takoma TorchDecember 18, 2020
TAKOMA, DC - Chain links fences have been erected around the 7-11 near the Takoma Metro station, signaling the start of construction on the building's replacement: a painted mural of...
Confused By Prefix, Joseph Epstein Receives Colonoscopy From Dr. Pepper
National Politics Science and Tech

Confused By Prefix, Joseph Epstein Receives Colonoscopy From Dr. Pepper

The Takoma TorchDecember 15, 2020December 15, 2020
WALL STREET - Believing that everyone daring to use the prefix “Dr.” must have a medical degree, Joseph Epstein mistakenly received a colonoscopy from a Dr. Pepper can earlier today....
Karen Calls Cops on Painting of Black Woman For Loitering
Art & Culture Local News

Karen Calls Cops on Painting of Black Woman For Loitering

The Takoma TorchDecember 12, 2020December 12, 2020
TAKOMA PARK, MD - Fearing for her life while clutching her pearls, a white woman most likely named Karen called the cops on a painting of a black woman on...
2nd Grader Shocked to Owe Developer Impact Taxes on New Buildings Created in Minecraft
Business & Economy Local News

2nd Grader Shocked to Owe Developer Impact Taxes on New Buildings Created in Minecraft

The Takoma TorchDecember 9, 2020December 9, 2020
ROCKVILLE, MD - Shortly after putting the final touches on a 500-unit residential skyscraper in Minecraft, Evelyn McFadden was shocked to learn she now owes millions of dollars in county...

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The Takoma Torch is local satire not intended for readers without a sense of humor. If you want to send samples of your work, or would like to advertise on our site, send an email to takomatorch@gmail.com. If you've been offended by our articles, send complaints to dcra@dc.gov | Copyright 2020 Takoma Torch | Theme: Infinity News by Themeinwp.