WASHINGTON, DC – The Department of War announced it will rename the World War II bomber Enola Gay to Enola Trump Gay, calling it a necessary update to reflect President Trump’s lifelong commitment to military service and clear Alpha Male-ness.
The move follows Trump’s recent decision to rename the Kennedy Center the Trump-Kennedy Center, an act aides described as “extremely alpha,” in a venue commonly known for Broadway show tunes, ballet, and interpretive dance.
“This president embodies traditional masculinity,” said Secretary of War Pete Hegseth still attempting to complete a single pull-up. “He’s tough, fearless, and can handle criticism – unless it’s criticism that’s deeply unfair and very hurtful, requiring an outpouring of emotion on social media at 3am.”
The revised bomber name, officials explained, preserves history while acknowledging Trump’s unique ability to project brute force on his enemies. “This is the kind of bomb you drop once and then talk about forever,” said Hegseth.
As part of the rebrand, the aircraft will receive a subtle makeover, including a warmer color palette, gold accents, and the side of the plane depicting Trump gazing into the distance with the intensity of a man who stares at his own reflection in a mirror to make sure not a single hair is out of place.
Further renaming efforts are reportedly underway, including the Trump, Lewis, and Clark Trail and officially designating the San Andreas Fault as Joe Biden’s Fault.
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