LOS ANGELES – President Donald Trump deployed U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents to Dodger Stadium immediately after the Blue Jays won Game 5, just one win away from winning the World Series.
“This is baseball, not hockey,” said Trump while devouring a footlong Dodger Dog. “We invented baseball and we will not let a bunch of foreigners come into our country and steal our bases, especially after they refused my generous offer to be the 51st state!”
ICE agents were reportedly stationed around the Blue Jays’ dugout, bullpen, and even the team bus to make sure no one overstays their visitor visas. MLB officials expressed concern, though Trump assured them that any player earning at least $10 million per year is automatically eligible for a green card.
Trump appeared visibly jealous of the sold-out Dodger Stadium crowd of 52,000, insisting his rallies are “one hundred times bigger.” Aides said he spent much of the third inning griping that the Dodgers hadn’t invited him to throw the first pitch. “The crowd would’ve been even bigger if I did,” Trump boasted. “People would’ve camped out for weeks – though we’d probably have to send in the National Guard to clear the encampments.”
Players arrested by ICE after the game include shortstop Bo Bichette, pitcher Trey Yesavage, and catcher Alejandro Kirk. Top player and only actual Canadian citizen on the team, Vladimir Guerrero Jr., was initially held for questioning, but shortly released when Trump realized he had the same first name as his favorite Russian dictator.
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