Marc Elrich Proposes 3.5% Property Tax Increase to Fund Campaign to Raise Property Taxes Again Next Year

ROCKVILLE, MD — This week, Montgomery County Executive Marc Elrich announced a proposal to increase property taxes by 3.5% – not to address budget shortfalls, improve schools, or fill potholes – but to bankroll a robust campaign advocating for yet another tax increase next year. 

“Look, it’s simple,” Elrich explained at a press conference held outside a Bethesda Whole Foods. “Raising taxes requires resources. Signs aren’t cheap, and consultants don’t work for free. We need to invest in the future – specifically, the future ability to collect even more tax revenue.” 

The decision comes just two years after Elrich orchestrated a 4.7% property tax increase, which he reassured residents was a “once-in-a-decade” event. “Sure, we said that before,” Elrich said, shrugging. “But that was before the budget experts told me how expensive it is to convince you all to pay more property taxes.” 

The new tax hike has sparked concern among the county’s estimated 70,000 federal employees, many of whom are already bracing for potential layoffs as part of former President Donald Trump’s plan to slash the federal workforce. Elrich, however, remains unfazed. 

“I understand people are worried about losing their jobs,” Elrich said. “But they should take comfort in knowing that their property taxes will continue to rise steadily, whether they have income or not. That’s the kind of stability our residents need in these uncertain times.” 

Critics have questioned the wisdom of taxing an already financially squeezed population to fund a campaign for more taxes. But Elrich has a strategy. “It’s a virtuous cycle,” he said. “We raise taxes to fund a campaign to raise taxes, which brings in more revenue to fund the next campaign. By year five, the whole thing funds itself!” 

Local resident Michelle Goldman, who works for the Department of Commerce and faces potential furlough, expressed skepticism. “I guess I’ll have to choose between paying my mortgage or paying my increased property tax bill,” she said. “Or maybe I can just get a second job working for the ‘Yes on Higher Taxes’ campaign. Seems like they’ll have plenty of money.” 

Meanwhile, a spokesperson for Elrich’s office confirmed that next year’s proposed tax increase would be necessary to cover rising costs associated with “public outreach, polling, and yard signs” – essential expenses in ensuring that voters remain fully informed about why their taxes need to increase. 

“The beauty of this plan is that once we raise enough money, we might not even need to raise taxes anymore,” Elrich mused. “But of course, we’ll still raise them – just to be safe.” 

In related news, county officials are reportedly considering a new “Homeowner Loyalty Program,” where residents who survive three consecutive property tax rate increases without defaulting on their mortgage will receive a free “I support Affordable Housing” tote bag – provided they pay a $25 tote bag fee.