MoCo Announces Plan to Lower Egg Prices by Selling Them Individually

ROCKVILLE, MD – In a bold effort to combat soaring egg prices without actually addressing the root cause, Montgomery County officials hatched an innovative new plan to match the county’s housing policy: eggs will now only be sold individually to make them more affordable for residents.

“Nobody can afford these luxury 10 dollar cartons,” said County Executive Marc Elrich, eating an omelet at Parkway Deli. “By selling single eggs for only three dollars each, we’ll make them affordable and they’ll take up less space in the fridge, leaving more greenspace for organic kale and arugula.”

Under the new plan, cartons are also facing increased regulations. Single-egg cartons must be 6 times the size of a single egg to keep it from feeling overcrowded. Grocery stores selling multi-egg cartons will be required to apply for a “High-Density Egg Sale Conditional Use Permit” at the zoning department, which takes 18 months to process and requires several impact studies involving cartons being dropped off a roof to make sure the eggs won’t break.

The move was met with enthusiasm by the Montgomery County Historic Preservation Commission, which emphasized that preserving the character of traditional egg cartons was a key priority. “We simply can’t allow people to put all their eggs in one basket. It’s about maintaining the charm and character of egg storage,” said a spokesperson.

Proponents of the plan welcomed the proposal. “Egg density is a serious issue,” said one concerned neighbor. “If we start letting people have three or four eggs in one meal, what’s next? Souffles? Frittatas? Duplexes?! It’s gentrifeggcation!!”

The new egg strategy goes into effect this Friday. For now, the county is still considering an additional policy allowing residents to form “Eggcessory Dwelling Units,” where a smaller quail egg can share a carton with a standard egg – but only after unanimous approval from the neighborhood association.