Democrat Dog Assumes Guilt for MAGA Cat Destroying House

WASHINGTON, DC — Local dog Bark Shoomer is cowering in the corner after his housemate cat, Feline Musk, completely destroyed their house, leaving Shoomer afraid that their owner will return and assume it was somehow his fault.

According to security camera footage, Feline Musk was seen aggressively knocking over lamps, clawing holes in curtains, and dragging a dead rat onto the carpet before coolly sitting down and licking his paws. Shoomer, despite standing in the corner not having lifted a paw, immediately started shaking in fear.

“I know I did nothing wrong, but I just know my human is going to be very mad,” Shoomer said, nervously chewing on his own tail. “Maybe if I had barked louder or chased him out of the kitchen, this wouldn’t have happened. Oh god, they’re going to think this is all my fault.”

When confronted, Feline Musk smugly began cleaning himself before vomiting on the kitchen floor and casually walking away. “I mean, technically the dog is responsible,” said Musk while laying down for an afternoon nap. “He’s the one letting me create chaos. If he didn’t want me to destroy everything, he should’ve stopped me. That’s practically an endorsement of my behavior.”

Despite being the clear victim, Shoomer immediately held a press conference in the living room to take full responsibility for the disaster. “I know the cat tore down the curtains and knocked over the potted plant,” said Shoomer from inside his crate. “But in order to prevent him from doing this again, I plan to find common ground by giving him all of my chew toys and my bed. Perhaps that will change his behavior.”

Animal experts say this behavior is not unusual. “Dogs, especially Democratic breeds, have a deeply ingrained instinct to assume guilt and seek compromise,” said Dr. Harry Snoutman, a political veterinarian. “Meanwhile, Republican cats have mastered the art of strategic destruction, knowing the dog will clean it up and apologize afterward.”

At press time, Shoomer was seen offering Feline Musk his dinner and agreeing to support Musk’s proposal to scratch up the entire couch next time, just to keep the peace.