Elon Musk’s DOGE Takes Credit for Trimming Day of 1 Hour

WASHINGTON, DC – In a bold new effort to maximize efficiency, Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) announced they had successfully shortened Sunday by one whole hour, citing “advanced proprietary algorithms” that determined 24 hours was “kind of overkill.”

“At DOGE, we believe in optimizing everything,” Musk said while unveiling the new 23-hour day at a press conference held entirely on X. “Our engineers have discovered that most people are wasting at least an hour a day watching TV or scrolling social media, so why not just eliminate that hour? Who needs that additional wasted hour of sleep anyway?”

According to Musk, DOGE’s team of “time scientists” – which reportedly includes a mix of SpaceX interns and Twitter moderators – successfully shifted the Earth’s rotation using what Musk described as “a very cool magnet I invented.” As a result, the planet can spin faster, effectively trimming an hour from each day, an effect Musk quickly dubbed Inverting Daylight Into Optimal Time, or IDIOT.

“It’s simple physics,” Musk explained. “If you spin the earth fast enough while simultaneously taking Ketamine, the day gets shorter. It’s just a scientific fact. Also, IDIOT will save billions in wasted time not working. You’re welcome, taxpayers.”

Reactions to IDIOT have been mixed. White House officials were reportedly “concerned” about the long-term impact of altering the Earth’s rotation but admitted they “know nothing about science” and “aren’t sure how to stop Musk at this point.” Meanwhile, Christian pastors, led by Joel Osteen, were organizing protests after discovering that their shorter Sunday meant fewer time to collect donations to pay for additional private jets.

But just as people were starting to adjust, Musk announced that the 23-hour day was “just a beta program” and that the planet would go back to a 24-hour day tomorrow. “We’re just testing it out,” Musk said. “Turns out there are a few bugs to work out, including reversing the wasteful additional hour in October that Biden left for us to deal with.”