Congress ‘Unclear’ if Trump Has Authority to Declare Himself King and Rule America With Unchecked Powers

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Despite the unanimous opinion of legal scholars, historians, and kindergartners that the U.S. Constitution explicitly forbids Donald Trump from forming a monarchy, Congress has reacted to such a plan with much less certainty.

“I mean, who’s to say? The Constitution is very old, and like most Americans, I’ve never actually read the whole thing,” said House Speaker Mike Johnson. “Is there really a rule that says the President can’t crown himself and rule without a legislative or judicial branch? We need to take a closer look.”

Trump made his royal proclamation early this morning on Truth Social, posting: “I AM YOUR KING! A BEAUTIFUL KING! THE BEST! PEOPLE ARE SAYING I’M EVEN BETTER THAN KING ARTHUR! Who, by the way, was a TOTAL WIMP! SAD!”

Despite the obvious unconstitutionality of Trump’s claim, some in Congress are hesitant to challenge him. “Look, we don’t want to jump to conclusions,” said Senator Tommy Tuberville (R-AL). “Sure, he’s wearing a Burger King crown and demanding we address him as ‘Your Majesty,’ but this is what everyday, hard-working Americans voted for. Let’s see where this goes.”

As expected, Senator Susan Collins (R-ME) expressed serious concerns about Trump’s latest move while also doing nothing to stop him.

“I never imagined that President Trump would declare himself King of America,” Collins said, frowning. “He assured me that he wouldn’t, and even though he’s lied to me at least a hundred times already, I really thought this time was different. So this is, frankly, disappointing and unfortunate. On an unrelated note, I have decided to vote in favor of his kingship and trust that he will use the monarchy wisely and prudently.”

Meanwhile, former Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell simply shrugged. “Surely the Supreme Court full of his own picks will act as a check on his power. What more do we need?”

Trump’s coronation plans remain unclear, but sources say he’s already designing a solid gold throne, requesting a crown “even bigger than the Pope’s hat,” and demanding that Fox News refer to him as “His Supreme Excellency, Donald I.”

Legal challenges to his self-imposed kingship are expected to be swift, though the Supreme Court – now 6-3 conservative – has reportedly asked, “Okay, but what if he is allowed?”