POTOMAC, MD — In a last-ditch effort to close the budget gap to prevent classroom size increases due to planned teacher layoffs, Montgomery County Public Schools (MCPS) recently hosted an opulent “Wet Dreams” mansion pool party with an aftermath that has left the community bitter and divided.
“We fully respect the creativity of MCPS to raise money without raising our taxes,” said County Councilmember Gabe Albornoz. “But it was extremely inconsiderate to the neighbors of this wealthy town to bring in nude, drunk teachers playing extremely loud music, and smoking marijuana they confiscated from their students.”
According to Facebook posts advertising the event, the “Wet Dreams” party was hosted by someone under the alias TeachingWithSwag and offered “cabanas, cash bar, hookah, guest chefs, free school supplies and more.” The soirée, which promised extravagance from the start, also featured $2,000 private cabanas, VIP teachers’ lounges, and a continuous flow of bake sale goods served by mermaid-clad waitresses.
“This is a wealthy neighborhood and there’s no way we pay teachers enough to be able afford to own this kind of house,” said local resident Rich Snobberton who called the cops. “We knew right away that there was something wrong when all of our street parking was taken up by 20-year-old, unwashed Honda Civics.”
According to the Montgomery County Police Department, the party was illegal and resulted in multiple violation notices for private cabanas exceeding the maximum number of accessory dwelling units, currently set at one. “We want other homeowners who may be renting through Airbnb or VRBO to understand that there will be consequences for raising money for government services other than the Fraternal Order of the Police,” said Police Chief Marcus Jones.
MCPS spokesperson, Rita Booke, touted the event as “an unforgettable experience that reflects our commitment to quality education and innovative fundraising. And what could be more innovative than a luxury pool party?” It turns out, she wasn’t wrong. Tickets sold out quickly, attracting local socialites and chemistry teachers receiving “lab” dances for $20 by the pool.
Despite the grumbling, the party went off without a hitch. Organizers maintained that the event was a tasteful affair, including a silent auction, featuring luxury items like a year’s supply of #2 pencils, designer elbow patches, and a weekend getaway to the Maryland Science Center.
Even though the party was eventually shut down by 10 p.m., it raised enough funds to stave off the layoffs, a testament to the organizers’ creativity to fill budget holes with wet dreams.
