Takoma Park Discovers Innovative Plan to Make Housing Affordable By Not Building Any Affordable Housing

View of former Washington Adventist Hospital’s vacant parking lot where affordable housing is being preserved

TAKOMA PARK, MD – In a move that has left urban planners scratching their heads, a new ad hoc group of volunteer master plan analysts proudly announced their groundbreaking solution to the affordable housing crisis: simply not building any affordable housing.

“We really do want more affordable housing in Takoma Park,” said Ward 1 resident Ronald Nutbutter, founder and sole member of the Coalition of Community Engagement (CCE) “But 40 years of waiting around doing nothing has taught us that patience is the fastest solution for solving any crisis.”

Labeling it the “Less is More Approach,” the CCE believes they have a much better approach than the proposed Takoma Park Minor Master Plan, which was designed to increase housing supply. Since new development near Takoma Park has been blamed for skyrocketing housing costs, the CCE argues that the inverse must also be true: if you build absolutely nothing, costs will naturally just go back down.

“Having displayed several of Marie Kondo’s books on my shelves at home, I’ve learned that minimalism is the best approach to a better life,” said local resident Cynthia Maplewood, who holds a PhD in Medieval Literature that automatically makes her the city’s leading housing expert. “By having fewer housing options, millennials will learn to have some gratitude for what little they have been given.”

In contrast, young couples and families looking to settle in Takoma Park are puzzled by the CCE’s proposal. James and Leila Henderson, who were hoping to buy their first home, remarked, “We were hoping for more affordable options. But with this new plan, our best option is to keep waiting until these $1.2 million houses drop to $400k. It’s our fault for not being more patient.”

To further promote the “Less is More Approach,” the CCE plans to host a series of workshops teaching residents how to fully appreciate the beauty of vacant lots. “An untouched plot of land can be seen as a symbol of our dedication to not addressing the issue,” said Nutbutter. “Plus, think of the potential! Anything can not happen there.”

As other cities grapple with actual methods of addressing the housing crisis, such as building more housing, Takoma Park remains confidently ahead of the curve. The future is uncertain for this innovative approach, but for now, Takoma Park stands firm in its commitment to groundbreaking inaction.