TAKOMA PARK, MD – After successfully making both kids and adults look like fools during his annual game of “Simon Says” at Takoma Park’s Play Day, Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD) decided to use his skills to fool Republicans into getting their COVID vaccination.
“I really owned those libs on Saturday and you can quote me on that,” said Raskin. “Ah…but I didn’t say Simon Says!”
In an attempt to prove they have higher IQs than six-year-olds from Raskin’s liberal enclave, Republicans agreed to his Simon Says challenge at the Capitol on Monday morning. Little did they know, it was a trap.
“We’re no sheeple, but we also aren’t going to perform worse than a bunch of hippie-dippie commie kids from Takoma Park,” said GOP Senator Rand Paul while jumping on one leg and panting like a dog during the game. “I didn’t love letting that nurse stick that needle in my arm when Raskin said ‘Simon Says get vaccinated,’ but at least I’m still in the game. Suckers!”
After successfully getting every GOP member of Congress vaccinated, Raskin eventually eliminated Paul and the rest of his colleagues by telling them all to “go screw yourselves” without first saying Simon Says.