OLNEY, MD – Within hours of going live, “OlneyFans,” the website for Upper Montgomery County’s new Cal Ripken Collegiate League baseball team, crashed this week due to unusually high web traffic.
“We knew that starting a new baseball team in Olney would be popular, especially with males between the ages of 13 and 55,” said marketing director Brock Jacobs. “But when our site registration exceeded the entire population of Maryland after announcing a free footlong on opening day against Bethesda Big Train, we realized our huge oversight.”
The increase in traffic was likely brought on by defectors from “OnlyFans,” a website where users subscribe to content published by independent creators and which quickly came to be dominated by pornography. MoCo web developer Steve Haines believes that a recently announced ban on sexually explicit content on OnlyFans sent large numbers of porn-craving users in search of an alternative just as the OlneyFans page was launching, and confusion ensued.
“When I saw the logo with a baseball bat and two balls, we just assumed it was code for a replacement porn site,” said Trevor Parker. “Who could have known that ‘We’re Going All the Way’ actually meant something else?”
After adding server capacity to prevent future site crashes, Olney administrators soon confronted a new problem on the OlneyFans user forum, where posters can discuss opinions on the team, the players, and other baseball related topics. Moderators have been working overtime to filter inappropriate content, but have yet to determine if phrases such as ”getting stuffed with the backdoor slider,” and “make your knees buckle with the split finger,” should be removed.
It remains to be seen if the team decides to change the domain name, especially after amassing tens of millions of dollars in registration fees in just hours. However, should they choose to keep it, the team may be forced to terminate their 20-year contract to play home games at the Olney Boys and Girls Club.
