TAKOMA PARK, MD – After endless complaints, the Takoma Park Police Department has requested that residents stop calling them to complain about the millions of cicadas breaking the city noise ordinance.
“Our 911 line needs to remain open for real emergencies,” said Takoma Park Chief of Police Antonio DeVaul. “We understand that people are trying to work from home and the noise can be distracting, but our local enforcement needs to focus on more important things like ticketing cars parked too long in the Historic District and fining residents for peeling paint and rotted trim on their houses.”
According to the Takoma Park Municipal Code Chapter 14.12.050, the maximum allowable noise level in the daytime is 65 decibels. The noise from the cicadas can reach as high as 70 decibels, a clear violation that, if not dealt with soon, could cause some housing valuations to dip back below $1.5 million.
“I can’t believe the police are ignoring our concerns and putting our livelihoods at risk,” said Constance Komplanor while using an iPhone app to prove the cicadas were above the allowable limit. “While I support defunding the police, I still need to be able to call them to complain about things like noisy cicadas, foxes trying to eat my chickens, and the political sign in my neighbor’s yard that I disagree with.”
Reached for comment, one local cicada said he wasn’t concerned about people making them feel unwelcome. “Look, some people just have nothing better to do than try to regulate every little behavior of their neighbors. If they could put themselves in our shoes, they’d realize how hard it is to find a mate while dealing with a severe case of butt fungus that’s making our sex organs fall off. Forgive us for being a little loud.”