TAKOMA PARK, MD – William Davidson and Jean Waverly own a quaint 1,200 square foot bungalow while living very frugal lives on a modest income. However, in the midst of a major national lumber shortage, the couple has recently amassed a net worth of over $98 billion thanks to the urban forest preserved in their backyard.
“As a family that raises chickens to save money on eggs, we were shocked to see our names listed right above Mark Zuckerberg on the Forbes Richest People in the World list,” said Davidson while wearing an Eat The Rich t-shirt. “Now that we are billionaires, we are having second thoughts about supporting Elizabeth Warren’s wealth tax.”
Over the past year, lumber prices in the U.S. have increased dramatically due to a construction boom bigger than any seen since 2006. While many Takoma Park residents with trees on their property have seen substantial growth in their net worth, cashing in has been impossible due to the fact that the city’s tree ordinance will not allow them to cut down their newly valuable commodities. All their asset value, therefore, is on paper only.
“I have to admit, I was pretty upset last year when the city arborist told me that I couldn’t cut down a dying tree that was leaning over my house,” said Waverly. “Thankfully, that tree crashed through my living room just a few weeks ago and allowed us to retire early.”
While most residents were thrilled with their increased wealth, some were angry after receiving a massive property tax bill, which has left them cash poor. Added Davidson, “Had we known that we were going to be hit with a huge tax bill, we wouldn’t have burned most of our riches in our new Solo Stove fire pit this winter.”