Trump Funds Entire Takoma Park Library Expansion in Exchange For Designation as His Presidential Library

Image provided by RRMM Architects, a firm clearly not as qualified as local non-expert design enthusiasts.

TAKOMA PARK, MD – Utilizing tips and tricks from his own best selling book, “The Art of the Deal,” President Donald Trump offered to pay the entire $11.5 million cost for the hotly contested city library renovation project on the condition that the new facility serve as his official presidential library.

“What better way to Own the Libs than to put my Legacy right in the center of their town!” Trump tweeted. “I told everyone I will build a big, beautiful presidential library that will keep all of the liberals out, and the best part is, I’ll make Montgomery County pay for it!”

Sources say that Trump made the offer after hearing that this extremely outspoken progressive town is no longer in favor of spending tax dollars to pay for public amenities. He then decided to once again take advantage of liberals who have yet to learn how to not make the perfect the enemy of the good, allowing their indecision and infighting over a stupidly obvious choice to yet again leave them shaking their heads in disbelief

“How could this happen? How did Trump fool us again?” asked Sarah Gerard of Willow Avenue. “It’s like we just took for granted that this library would always remain safely in the possession of liberals. And all it took to steal it was the promise that our property taxes wouldn’t be raised to pay for it.

It’s unclear exactly how Trump intends to finance the work, but he has assigned Rudy Giuliani and Stephen Miller to oversee construction, including tense negotiations with the city arborist, Takoma Park residents’ last hope to possibly scare Trump away from the project

The Donald J. Trump Presidential Library will be located at 101 Philadelphia Avenue next to the newly renovated Mitch McConnell Community Center. The new facility will have non-ADA compliant bathrooms with gold toilets, a Russian literature section, as well as a McDonald’s drive-thru. The library will be free to anyone living in Takoma Park, or working or attending TPES, now TrumP Elementary School. Others must pay an annual Mar-A-Lago resort fee

A chain link fence currently surrounds the empty construction site, but Trump assures us that most of the library is already constructed with over 400 miles of books on display.