OTTAWA, CANADA – Facing scathing public criticism and charges of elitism after being seen buying artisanal doughnuts from a gourmet bakery in Winnipeg, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau set out to recapture his image as a down to earth champion of the everyday Canadian by covering the cost of free Tim Horton’s doughnuts nationwide all day yesterday.
Calling his new campaign “TruDeaunuts,” the Prime Minister ordered 38 million doughnuts, one for each Canadian citizen, containing an image with his gorgeous face on them. Lines formed down the street at almost every Tim Horton’s location, with some folks camping out at stores overnight in the cold of January. Once stores opened their doors to the public, however, Canadians were horrified to find the face of the Prime Minister was accidentally decorated using chocolate icing, instead of vanilla.
“How could he have allowed this to happen in this day and age!?!?” wondered Dennis Villefort, a maple farmer from Quebec. “This is Canada, not Virginia.”
Indignant members of Parliament are considering whether to bring impeachment charges over the TruDeaunut, in what has become the worst Canadian political scandal since the time Trudeau put chocolate icing all over his actual face for a Halloween party.
American Democrats are strongly in favor of Trudeau’s impeachment in hopes that they can enter his name on the Democratic Primary ballot before the Iowa caucus in two weeks.