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Year: 2020

Dr. Fauci Advises Tricking Conspiracy Theorists Into Taking COVID-19 Vaccine By Wrapping It in Cheese
National Politics Science and Tech

Dr. Fauci Advises Tricking Conspiracy Theorists Into Taking COVID-19 Vaccine By Wrapping It in Cheese

The Takoma TorchDecember 31, 2020December 31, 2020
WASHINGTON, DC - In his plan to get all Americans vaccinated and thereby end the COVID-19 pandemic, Dr. Anthony Fauci advises wrapping the vaccine inside a slice of cheese to...
Second Stimulus Bill Actually Just Cake
National Politics

Second Stimulus Bill Actually Just Cake

The Takoma TorchDecember 28, 2020
WASHINGTON, DC - In a surprise move, the White House took a knife to the recently enacted $2.3 trillion dollar government funding package, which includes a second round of pandemic...
Chevy Chase Neighborhood Adds New Restrictions on Gingerbread Houses
Local News

Chevy Chase Neighborhood Adds New Restrictions on Gingerbread Houses

The Takoma TorchDecember 24, 2020
CHEVY CHASE, MD - In an effort to fight off any form of new housing in their wealthy enclave, Section 3 of the Village of Chevy Chase adopted new supplemental...
Montgomery County Says Milk and Cookies For Santa Must Follow Outdoor Dining Rules
Business & Economy Local News

Montgomery County Says Milk and Cookies For Santa Must Follow Outdoor Dining Rules

The Takoma TorchDecember 21, 2020
Photo Credit - Suzy Hazelwood ROCKVILLE, MD - Beginning at 5 p.m. on Thursday, December 24th, all households setting out milk and cookies for Santa Claus must do so on...
7-11 at Takoma Metro To Be Demolished, Replaced With Mural of 7-11
Business & Economy Local News

7-11 at Takoma Metro To Be Demolished, Replaced With Mural of 7-11

The Takoma TorchDecember 18, 2020
TAKOMA, DC - Chain links fences have been erected around the 7-11 near the Takoma Metro station, signaling the start of construction on the building's replacement: a painted mural of...
Confused By Prefix, Joseph Epstein Receives Colonoscopy From Dr. Pepper
National Politics Science and Tech

Confused By Prefix, Joseph Epstein Receives Colonoscopy From Dr. Pepper

The Takoma TorchDecember 15, 2020December 15, 2020
WALL STREET - Believing that everyone daring to use the prefix “Dr.” must have a medical degree, Joseph Epstein mistakenly received a colonoscopy from a Dr. Pepper can earlier today....
MoCo Executive Taps US Marshals To Search For ‘Missing Middle’ Housing
Business & Economy Local News

MoCo Executive Taps US Marshals To Search For ‘Missing Middle’ Housing

The Takoma TorchDecember 14, 2020December 14, 2020
ROCKVILLE, MD - After several reports showing Montgomery County has lost many of its townhomes, fourplexes, and accessory apartments, County Executive Marc Elrich requested assistance from U.S Marshals in a...
Karen Calls Cops on Painting of Black Woman For Loitering
Art & Culture Local News

Karen Calls Cops on Painting of Black Woman For Loitering

The Takoma TorchDecember 12, 2020December 12, 2020
TAKOMA PARK, MD - Fearing for her life while clutching her pearls, a white woman most likely named Karen called the cops on a painting of a black woman on...
2nd Grader Shocked to Owe Developer Impact Taxes on New Buildings Created in Minecraft
Business & Economy Local News

2nd Grader Shocked to Owe Developer Impact Taxes on New Buildings Created in Minecraft

The Takoma TorchDecember 9, 2020December 9, 2020
ROCKVILLE, MD - Shortly after putting the final touches on a 500-unit residential skyscraper in Minecraft, Evelyn McFadden was shocked to learn she now owes millions of dollars in county...
Trump Pardons Mr. Burns
National Politics

Trump Pardons Mr. Burns

The Takoma TorchDecember 7, 2020December 8, 2020
SPRINGFIELD - In a move that shocked even Republicans, President Donald Trump pardoned C. Montgomery Burns, the cartoon billionaire made famous by The Simpsons, from any crime committed since the...
City Arborist: Each Christmas Tree Purchase Requires Decoration of 6 Additional Trees
Art & Culture Local News

City Arborist: Each Christmas Tree Purchase Requires Decoration of 6 Additional Trees

The Takoma TorchDecember 5, 2020December 5, 2020
Photo Credit - Alle Sebrina TAKOMA PARK, MD - As residents plan a visit to the volunteer fire department's annual Christmas tree lot, they should be aware of a new...
Netflix, Hulu Demand Bailout to Help Americans From Running Out of Shows to Watch
Business & Economy Sports and Entertainment

Netflix, Hulu Demand Bailout to Help Americans From Running Out of Shows to Watch

The Takoma TorchDecember 2, 2020December 2, 2020
WASHINGTON, DC - As more people beg friends to recommend new TV shows to watch, streaming services such as Netflix and Hulu have demanded federal bailout money to create more...

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