Screech the Eagle Enters Free Agency After Baby Shark Steals Thunder

WASHINGTON, DC – It has been an historic season for the Washington Nationals. After moving to DC in 2005, they finally made it to the World Series, and the town is full of excitement. However, not everyone is thrilled.

Screech the Eagle, the team’s mascot since moving to DC from Montreal, has been the Nationals’ biggest cheerleader, working his tail off to energize fans, start rallies, and keep bored kids entertained during irritating mid-inning pitching changes. He’s weathered the storms for the past 14 seasons, never giving up on his team.

One can only imagine how he felt, then, after the entire club unceremoniously abandoned him for a trendy, annoying new mascot right on the cusp of the city’s first World Series appearance since 1933. But that has been Screech’s reality since June, when Gerardo Parra chose new walk-up music and inspired Nats fans to embrace Baby Shark.

Given Screech’s clear disappointment, it came as little surprise when it was announced this morning that he has retained Scott Boras, MLB’s top agent, to improve his circumstances. Boras has reportedly convinced Screech to enter Free Agency in order to find a new home where he will receive the respect he deserves. As an Eagle, Screech’s top prospects are cities associated with the concepts of freedom, liberty and the American Dream. Top choices include Philadelphia, New York, and Canada.

“Screech deserves better than the treatment he’s received in DC,” stated Boras. “And I deserve a 30% cut for making that happen. Freedom isn’t free.”

Taking a cue from Baby Shark, Screech the Eagle is already planning to entertain his new team with an annoying, bad song that is nonetheless so catchy that fans won’t be able to stop themselves from embracing it. Top options under his consideration currently are Party in the USA, Shake Your Tailfeather, anything by The Eagles, and Jesus Take the Wheel.